I’ve found that whenever I have to start a major assignment, my first instinct is to come to the blog.
Not in the sense that, “Man, I just can’t wait to share what I’m working on with the world!”
Rather, it’s more along the lines of “is there absolutely anything else I can work on BEFORE/INSTEAD of this assignment that still makes me feel somewhat productive?“
I realize this is referred to as procrastination, putting off the inevitable. But, confession, acknowledging it does not make it any less true or deter me from doing it.
Yesterday, right after the work day was over, I hopped into the car to drive the hour to class. Not just any class… But, my LAST first class of my Graduate Program. Instead of elation, I felt sleepy. Instead of feeling victorious, I was just really hungry. I think I am a weird mix of a person when it comes to various “typical” emotions, and in this case, instead of that bubbling over excitement, the reality of the CRAZY LONG thesis I was about to write sucked any of the joy away.
This isn’t me complaining, I promise. Just procrastinating.
The more that I mulled over possible topics and ideas last night and this morning, however, the more excited I got. And now, with the meager two paragraphs I’ve sloppily pulled together and am calling a “beginning,” I feel as if I’ve jumped over a huge hurdle without hurting myself.
It’s the starting that’s the hardest.
The dread, fear mixed with the unknown, the looming deadline, task, and pressure that sometimes is the precursor of major events, assignments, or challenges is capable of killing a dream before it has even sprung to life. I know I am guilty of that.
But, what I have to remind myself, is that it is possible. The longer I stare at it or push it off… It still exists. Whether it is the 5 pages, 5 miles, dinner, dishes, you name it.
I desire for my attitude and perspective to have a more positive and optimistic spin. Yes, the work has to be done, but, while it is being done, we are still very present during those minutes, hours, days, and, that time is just as valuable and precious as the time spent doing other “fun” things.
Now, here I go, with more joy than before (please hold me accountable to this), back to the task at hand. Hoping to remind myself that this wonderful life is taking place through all of these things, and I get to choose what emotions make up those hours and minutes… The details in the story.
It starts with a choice.
In other entirely unrelated news, this past Tuesday was the 100th day of school! Hooray! Per tradition, the 1st graders dressed up as if they were 100 years old.